dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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