So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
