im drinking this country out of the recession.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
