I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
