hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
