She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
