I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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