best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
