Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
