I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
