You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
