i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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