1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
