I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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