i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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