let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
