I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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