I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
