I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
