So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
