It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
