This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
