? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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