ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
