At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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