He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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