the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize