Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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