Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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