Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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