wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
