Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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