Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
