Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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