Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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