I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
