if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
