so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
