I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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