walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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