New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
