We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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