Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"

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  (315): a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop" http://tfl.nu/57y7
  Replies (20) Good night (4951) Bad night (1315)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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  (843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn
  Replies (76) Good night (22062) Bad night (1551)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

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  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4710) Bad night (1502)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.

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  (724): Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over. http://tfl.nu/rd2c
  Replies (5) Good night (3348) Bad night (1253)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?

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  (785): In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out? http://tfl.nu/d8g6
  Replies (6) Good night (1313) Bad night (3498)
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  (518): View more from New York

  You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.

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  (518): You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused. http://tfl.nu/8r68
  Replies (2) Good night (3850) Bad night (725)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers

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  (647): I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers http://tfl.nu/b7h6
  Replies (6) Good night (552) Bad night (986)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber

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  (513): That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber http://tfl.nu/t4y1
  Replies (4) Good night (1401) Bad night (538)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.

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  (302): This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas. http://tfl.nu/72c6
  Replies (3) Good night (922) Bad night (378)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.

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  (618): I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away. http://tfl.nu/0di0
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (699)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.

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  (908): Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers. http://tfl.nu/nu4z
  Replies (6) Good night (793) Bad night (418)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.

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  (519): I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/v0to
  Replies (13) Good night (996) Bad night (380)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She shouldn't drink

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  (912): It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home (919): She shouldn't drink http://tfl.nu/4gbr
  Replies (9) Good night (575) Bad night (344)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else

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  (312): I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else http://tfl.nu/bz1h
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (205)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?

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  (206): He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect? http://tfl.nu/9zhv
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (157)

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