who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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