discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.