You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.