You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
