I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
God, I missed his penis.
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