It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
