He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
