i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
