I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
