Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
