New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
