My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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