the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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