Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
