i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
