the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
