my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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