I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
