I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
