I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
