Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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