I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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