Yo dont text me then not text me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
