..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
