Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize