Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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