I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
