You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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