he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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