she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
