Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
